About Me

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Hi, I'm Kirsty. I'm 23 years old from Southampton, UK. I studied Forensic Biology at University and graduated in 2014. I work as a Assistant Store Manager in retail because I love it, I love people and it allows me to spend more time with my family :)

I have been with my wife, Heidi, since February 2012, married since April 2016 and have a beautiful baby boy, Woody, together born 25/07/16.

We're a very active family, we have a little Westie, Trudy, too. So we love dog walking, holidays and lots of adventure!!

I've blogged our journey through planning our baby, trying, conceiving, pregnancy and onwards in the hope of helping others fulfil their dreams as we did. Find link below. Enjoy :) and please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions :)

Saturday, 17 September 2016

Mr. Palfrey

Heidi and I have been quite lucky with the support we have had being a lesbian family. Neither of us had many issues 'coming out' and the people we needed around us are here. Throughout the conception, pregnancy and birth, no one has seen us as anything other than Woody's parents, regardless of his genetics and the help we had quite clearly had..

Although the LGBT(and apparently now Q too) community is much more widely accepted now, there is still a generational difference in understanding.

After Heidi proposed and the wedding was booked, we received the most absurd congratulatory card with a plain picture of an owl on the cover and read "Dear Heidi and Kirsty, Although I do NOT agree with same sex marriage, I will not hold it against you." That's correct, that was indeed the opening message to a card we received....From Heidi's Grandad Donald. A man I had met on a few occasions throughout our almost four year relationship.

At first, I was very taken back. Heidi found it the most hilarious read. She shared it with her mum and they were both chuckling uncontrollably. I was not. In fact I was quite offended - However, the generational differences became clear over time.

Heidi's Grandad is by no means a bad person, not in the slightest. He just doesn't understand. Actually, this blunt trait is very much a Palfrey trait. I also see in Heidi herself in certain circumstances. She doesn't understand some things that aren't 'normal' for her, like, I am a complete wuss....You can guarantee I'll cry at The X Factor every year, without fail....And every year Heidi says "Why the f@#k are you crying? I don't understand! It's just another sh*t sob story" We're all guilty of not understanding something right?

Heidi's mum shared a rather comical conversation with us that she had had with Heidi's Grandad after our wedding. Where he asked her which one of us, Heidi or I, was Mr Palfrey. Now in today's society, it seems simple. There isn't one. We're both female. We're both Mrs. But no, actually, in his generation and in any traditional marriage there's a Mr and Mrs. You don't find Mrs and Mrs nor Mr and Mr wedding memorabilia anywhere, even today. And this genuinely confused Heidi's Grandad! One of us would have to undergo a sex change (which is not ever going to happen) for us to fit the traditional template in his head, and if that were to happen, it would open a whole new can of unagreeable and not understandable worms for him! He just doesn't understand!

We met him and his wife, Dina, for dinner with Heidi's parents and Woody. You could genuinely tell there he held no malice, he was genuinely happy for us both - well in appearence! They both greeted us and the baby with kisses and cuddles, something that they wouldn't have done if they hadn't accepted us for us.

Dinner however was a whole new experience! Donald was holding Woody and feeding him, but when it came to winding him he had no clue and handed him to Dina. Dina was lovingly winding him and having a coo, when Woody had a little whinge, probably due to a little trapped wind like any baby. Nothing out of the ordinary. At this point Dina said to Woody "Oh no! Do you want your Daddy, here we go I'll hand you back". I never reacted, I continued chatting and drinking etc. Why would I react? I'm not used to being called Daddy!! Then Woody was being placed in  my arms!! Oh, me, I'm the Daddy, yes, Woody wants his Daddy! ME!

I didn't say anything. There's a time and a place to correct or counter somebody and this wasn't that time. Woody's grandparents love him, and they love Heidi and I, and they accept us as a family. It wasn't an acceptance thing, it's an understanding thing. If she was being rude it would be different, but she wasn't. In their minds, and in their generation, there's a Mr and Mrs and a Mummy and Daddy. They've always known Heidi as their granddaughter who gave birth to their grandson, she must be the Mrs and the Mummy. So, that would only leave me to be the Mr and the Daddy. For as long as they accept us as a family, I will continue to be the Mr Palfrey and Woody's Daddy in their eyes.

The dinner really made me think. I thought I was a very open minded person. But actually, I learned something too. I just assumed, after receiving the card that Heidi's Grandad was narrow minded, un-accepting and that he chose not to understand our family. When in reality, he's just from a different generation, with different understanding, a different education and a different society to what we have now. I was too quick to judge, like many of us, I'm sure you all read the beginning and had your own thoughts too. Maybe the LGBT community have been fighting to open the minds of everyone for so long, understandably, that we've forgotten to open our own minds. Sometimes we can take misunderstanding as rejection. Maybe we need to understand the generational differences and accept that not everyone is against us just because they do not agree.

I don't agree with some people's dress sense. or music taste. Sometimes those people are my friends or family, but that doesn't mean I don't accept them for who they are. My sister, Zoe, is very pink and sparkly and blingy....I hate that, I personally think sometimes it can look trashy. But I still love her, I just hate her wardrobe! It's no different really! Is it?!

1 comment:

  1. Loved reading this. Good luck to you and your little family ☺