She came across www.coparents.co.uk. It's a legit site looking specifically for donors, surrogates and co-parents, for LGBT couples, infertile couples and single men and women wanting to start a family. It is a monthly subscription (~£30), but what did we have to lose? The monthly subscription was significantly lower than the clinic consultation fees! So we signed up!
It's almost like a dating site, we input our information, gave a background of ourselves and then a specific description of what we were looking for. Blonde/ginger hair, blue/green eyes, athletic build, 25-35 years old, interested in history, archaeology and sports (like Heidi) and I only had one request, I really really wanted a scientist.... Like myself! But all that together? Surely not.... But we went for it!
Like any "dating"-like sites, there were some crazies on there!! You can favourite people, wink at them and send messages to and fro! Unsurprisingly, we had some crude messages. Considering we displayed ourselves as a lesbian couple "I'll do it for a hand job!" Wasn't an uncommon message! After so many of those, I clearly displayed in our description we wanted artificial insemination only!
Some men were very business-like. "You book a hotel, I'll meet you in the lobby, you give me the donation pot, I'll go up, leave the donation in the room and leave" never to be seen or heard again! Both myself and Heidi thought that this was too impersonal for us? I mean you know nothing about him, what if, god forbid, anything happened to the baby and he needed a kidney or something and Heidi wasn't a match? What if the baby wanted to know where they came from? We'd not have a clue!
I became consumed by this site, every free waking hour I had, I was searching through thousands of profiles for our Mr Right! Again, nothing. We were ready to cancel our subscription after 2 days because of the crude comments, it became quite offensive! But then, we were approached by a male, his profile was very minimal, not even a photo. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic build and HE WAS A SCIENTIST!! I messaged him back. The conversation was like a 2 way interview, we both had questions for each other and it was so lovely to see that he clearly cared who he was donating too! We exchanged emails, and he sent us lots of information on himself and a picture. We decided to meet him.
Me and Heidi were so nervous! We didn't know what to expect. What do we talk about? Do I need to bring my CV?! We even brushed our hair for the occasion! But when he walked through the door, he was so normal! Jeans, jumper, trainers! He was so witty, and he totally put us at ease! Before we knew it, 3 hours had passed! We left so happy! It was hard to contain our excitement! We wanted him! But what did he think of us?
When we got home, we sent him just a nice little thank you email for his time. He replied.... He wanted to donate to us!! It was really happening!
But what do we actually do?! We were so clueless! But luckily, our donor had done this previously, in fact he was quite a pro! So he knew his stuff! We bought a home insemination kit which is just sterile pots and syringes (£30 for 10 of each on Amazon), and we bought 50 ovulation tests (£5 ish on Amazon). The donor said for Heidi to do an ovulation test daily (except when menstruating) to see when she was most fertile, he wanted data over a couple of months to know the best days to donate.
We invited him over for a takeaway for more guidance on the process and just to build and maintain a rapport, I think he could sense that me, more so than Heidi, was uncomfortable. I'm quite a prude as Heidi says. I didn't know what to do?! So he suggested a dummy run! YES! So Heidi kept peeing on these sticks, and we watched the colour change of the line get darker over the days. But the test line needs to be darker than the control line for the best chance of conception.
Heidi started taking Pregnacare conception and ate a high protein diet and all her veggies, also known to increase chances of conception!
Heidi's last period was 18 days ago, and we still hadn't had a distinctive dark line. We thought we had missed her fertility window for the month. But that evening, I came home from work, Heidi peed on the stick... And there it was, a big fat positive! I sent a picture to our donor, and he told us he'd be round and he would donate for 3 out of 4 days.
I was really nervous, him coming round to donate, it's weird right? A man is going to come over, do his thing in your house, and hand you over a pot of his stuff?! Safe to say Heidi and I had a bottle of wine (or two) at the ready to help the evening flow easier. But yet again, he made us feel so comfortable. He came over, we chatted and watched TV like you would with friends! We bought him some Guinness as a thank you every time he donated because he never charged us a penny. I don't think anyone on the site does, except incurred travel expenses....
Anyway, he stood up "Can I have a glass of water? You guys go upstairs and get ready, I'll do my thing and meet you at the bottom of the stairs with the pot and then I'll leave and let you get on"
OH MY GOD!
I'd watched YouTube videos, yes that's right, on how to home inseminate! Well, I've never done it before! I felt like a virgin all over again!
Before I knew it, he was calling. I went down, collected the pot and saw him out...
It was down to us now....
**If you would like any further information/help on www.coparents.co.uk to donate yourself or look for a donor, please do not hesitate to ask me, I'll be happy to help as I can :) **