Heidi's emotions and hormones all started changing. But was she just due on? Her boobs were tender, she had tummy cramps. We were googling the 'symptoms of pregnancy'. But they were so close to the period-like symptoms it was hard to tell. After 10 days we couldn't wait. We bought a first response pregnancy test. We just looked at the box. Should be take it, should we not? What if it says not pregnant? How will we feel?
It's important to know that any pregnancy test taken before the first day of your period isn't accurate! It tests for the pregnancy hormones hCG, and if they're too low, it can lead to a false negative...
But we took the test anyway! Like 10 days hadn't gone slow enough, those 2 mins were torturous!
Heidi came out of the bathroom...'I'm not pregnant'
The whole atmosphere changed. Heidi isn't a very emotional person. Unlike me who cries at the X Factor!! But I could tell, she wasn't okay. She's never failed a test in her life. She questioned herself. Her body. Asked herself, why hasn't it worked? People get pregnant on one night stands all the time. We timed this perfectly and it hadn't worked. So much time and effort, for nothing! We were both so deflated, and with no one to talk to but each other, it was hard. We tried to defer conversation away, but we wanted this so badly it just came up.
So we did what we knew best....Bought a bottle of wine (each), watched crap TV and went to bed.
Conversation changed to when we should try again, we decided maybe after Christmas, get that out of the way first. After a few more days, Heidi's period still hadn't showed. Maybe it's the stress of all this? The body does weird things right?
We were both getting changed ready for bed, and I was looking at Heidi. Why wouldn't I? She's beautiful! But something had changed. Heidi is very petite and diddy, but very proportionate. But this night, her boobs looked HUGE! I was in boob heaven!! I couldn't stop oggling them!!
'I think you need to take another pregnancy test!"
The next day, I was talking to my old landlady, I told her everything....And she had a spare pregnancy test that she gave us! Just a cheap Tesco one. We didn't want to get an over priced pregnancy test, we hadn't gotten over the first negative yet.
With still no sign of a period, Heidi took the pregnancy test. I was sleeping! She stormed in 'Babe! Babe!'
'Is that a line?!'
Is that a line? Can you see? What is that? That's just thrown a spanner in the works! We argued all morning about what it meant, I was adamant it was the lighting. That can't be positive!!
I spent all day researching very faint, almost invisible, positive pregnancy tests! I went on many forums looking at other people pictures....They all said the same thing! You cannot get a false positive. Either the hCG hormone is present, or it isn't. So you can get false negatives when the hormone level isn't high enough, but you cannot get a false positive!
We didn't want to get over-excited, the first one was negative. This one is....Well I don't even know what that is?!
So I went into town and bought a digital clear blue pregnancy test that tells you either 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant'. Can't dispute that can you?! My mum, the only person who knew everything,, was poorly at the time and being treated so I couldn't contact her, I had no one! So I rang my sister and had to get her up to speed really quickly. She was absolutely lost by the whole thing. What? Wait? Donor? Baby? But she said she had the same problem when she fell pregnant with my niece, she had a faint line too!!
Heidi finished work, came straight home, and did the test! The wheel was spinning, you know, the buffering wheel...the impending wheel of doom! We all know the wheel! I couldn't take it. I moved the pregnancy test to the end of the bed and cuddled Heidi...I didn't want to look...I promised myself I wouldn't get my hopes up. But I knew what we both wanted it to say.
And there it was.....WE'RE PREGNANT!
I was so excited, I wanted to scream from the rooftops. But we couldn't because of the very high chance of early termination during the first 12 weeks. We knew we had to stay quiet.
We were creeping in and out of Mothercare in Southampton hoping no one had seen us! We were partial to a glass of wine....or 3 bottles and Christmas was just eight weeks away, how would we be able to keep this all quiet? They'd know!